Sex Sandwich And A Nap, Please
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Ewysiwyg" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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08:06 pm
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Damnit!Damnit!Damnit! Slacking Pays Off, But Instant Karma's a Bitch
I spent 2 whole hours doing nothing. I stared at my screen, I played some Collapse, and I chatted with Jessie. I knew I was supposed to be working on my writing assignment for Sci-Fi, but short of "Because I Like Joss whedon, THAT's WHY!!!" I wasn't coming up with a thesis statement,a nd its' a really fun assignment!
So I FINALLY came up with a good idea, (Turning Seers Into Believers: Why We Cannonize Joss Whedon) that gives me a hook, a platform, and a thesis (plus, it plays on cannon, as in literary cannon, and Cannonize, as in to be made a saint, which is funny to me.)
I got a huge list of links, some great one liners, and sketched out my whole paper's format in about 15 miunutes, just as the guy came to say the computer lab was closing.
So I saved my work, opened an email to myself so I could send it my way and still work on it tomorrow . . .
And it's not there. And it's no where. And that lab is closed, adn 15 minutes of searching didn't turn it up anywhere.
So I know I had a lot of good search items about JW, and I know I found some pretty simple step by step instructions on how to become a saint, plus a list of Jesus's miracles, and then I started the whole thing with a pompus writing style that was intended to echo a letter to the Vatican . . . and I will have to write the whole thing over again tomorrow.
It's due tomorrow.
'Cause I suck.
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12:29 pm
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Awakening, as if from a dream . . .
I have finally re-emerged from my bedroom. I went to bed on Friday around 12:45am, after a lovely evening out with Brian, and I came out of my room today at 12:30pm, finally feeling like doing just that.
I am not ill--not in a virus kind of way anyway. And I couldn't have done it without the amazing husband who would regularly leave and reappear with a meal or a drink.
But I stayed in bed all day, not getting dressed, never leaving any longer than it takes to use the restroom.
Together, Brian and I finished reading Princess of Mars, The Witching Hour, and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Tears were shed, fits of laughter were shed, plot lines were dissected.
All is just a little better in my world today.
Jealous?
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12:29 pm
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Because the sight of blood freaks me out . . .
I want pain killers, and antidepressants, and something to keep me awake, and an iron pill, and an anti-convulsive for my stomach so all that doesn't make things any worse.
This isn't any fun.
Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Y_fCKfPPYE
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10:53 am
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Creamy Pesto Tomato Pasta
Ok, I made so-so dinner that turned out to be AMAZING lunch and I want to post the recipe here:
Creamy Pesto Tomato Pasta
1 package spaghetti
1 envelope pesto seasoning
1 package cream cheese
1 can diced tomatoes (drained)
It's SO easy--microwave the cream cheese, mix it with the pesto, toss in the spaghetti with the tomatoes, and season to taste with pepper.
Now the thing that made this awesome today, and fine yesterday, was chilling--I served it cold today! It is SO much better cold I can't even believe it! It was SO delicious!
YAY!
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12:18 pm
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Did you know the #1 reason for divorce is Money?
We are one month away from my 1 year wedding anniversary. It happens to also be the day I will be able to cash my Student Loan Refund from school--and the day we start proceedings for me to go bankrupt.
I have had a very tumultuous existence in the financial fray.
When I was 23 they started giving me credit cards. By the time I was 25 I decided I was not good at credit cards, I used them too much, risked being in debt, and I called them all, canceled all of them, paid off what I could, and tried to walk away.
I had to walk away, because the car I owned for only 6 months was totaled when I made a left hand turn at a green arrow. the police officers took one look at my out of state plates, and said that I must have been going too slow, so the accident was my fault. If I was going too slow, shouldn't the approaching driver have been able to see me and stop? This is not the last time in my life I will wish I could afford a lawyer . . . Since I had an out of state license, and an instate residence, and Missouri and Indiana do not have linked BMV/DMV branches, we have never settled who I am supposed to pay, what I owe, or if I will ever be able to get a driver's license again. It will haunt me for years to come.
The financially savvy out there will realize that, in fact, canceling my credit cards is where I made my first mistake. Canceling my cards was in effect, ruining my credit. As long as I kept using my cards, no matter how badly I handled the magic money, they would be there for me--like a co-dependent lover, holding back an alcoholic's hair while they puke. Canceling my cards was quitting--admitting defeat. Credit is made up of having loans OFFERED to you, and then making sure that the amount you take out is less than what is being offered in total. By quitting, I was announcing to the fiscal world that I was not good with money, I didn't anticipate getting better, and I would give up rather than fight for good credit.
Bummer. Who thought having LESS credit cards would have been good for me? I thought I was being so responsible too.
I had one last credit card out--I had paid it off, but it was only worth $500, so I kept it open just in case--and because it had a picture of the shoulder of a cheetah, instead of cheetah print, which I thought was the height of cool. This one card would begin the next big mistake.
My then boyfriend (a man named Brian, like so many of them were), was having his own financial difficulties. His cell phone was being shut off, and he was worried about losing contact with the world. His mother was on his back about needing money, because she needed to make car repairs, or she would be even more dependent on him. I had been seeing Brian for just under a year, but his story touched my heart in a very personal way--I was very insecure about our relationship, and here he was desperate for something it seemed only I had, so I was sure to be able to buy his love on credit. (Hindsight makes me sad.) So inevitably, since this is the story of how I got here today, I gave him my credit card. And yes, worse, I uttered the words I have lived to regret: "I don't ever need to see this card again. Tell your Mom, as long as she makes the $15 minimum payment every month, I don't need to know how long it takes her to pay it back off."
On November 11, 2003, Capital One says they received a letter saying I was deceased, and that I would no longer be paying off that bill. They noted the change in my living status, and alerted Equifax, and the other two leading credit reporting services, who kindly spread the word, so as not to have creditors calling and bothering my grieving beloveds.
No one told me until 2005, when the apartment I was living in announced that rent would raise from $256 to $435, which I thought was horrible at the time. Oh, how I wish I had just accepted that and moved on . . . Instead, I tried to move, and discovered that no one would touch me with a ten foot pole. It was a woman at Cingular who told me that when she tried to report me to the FBI for identity fraud, she discovered I had already been reported twice that day, and she felt she should give me a friendly heads up.
I fought and fought with Capital One to prove I am alive. It turns out to be much more difficult than it sounds. A letter got me 6 feet under, but a lawyer would have to bring me back--and I simply can't afford a lawyer's resurrection fees right now. So I did it by hand, and it took me a long time. I won't harp on this anymore, but it should be made clear--it's never going to go away. You get one credit report for your whole life--they simply add to the bottom. And Mine clearly says "Deceased" at some point. And then, it doesn't for some time. So any time a helpful, productive, over achieving clerk sees that someone accidentally unchecked the "Deceased" button on my credit report, they helpfully put it back in order, and the process starts again. Because of course, why would they notify me, if I was dead?
The backlash of all that, is that once the word spread that I was alive, anyone who had stopped billing me because they thought I was untouchable now started tracking me, trying to find where I live, and sending me a bill for what I owed originally, plus years of late payments, and interest. Being Alive was mistake #3. I should have taken this opportunity to go live on the lam, under the radar, maybe join some sort of group that specializes in that sort of thing. I was dead, for all intents and purposes, and no one in banking likes to be told they are wrong.
2006 was the year I bought a car and started fighting to get my driver's license back. Sadly, I had not accomplished that when they pulled me over. So no with no license, I had no insurance, no insurance meant I couldn't register the car, no registration meant I had just left the old plates on the vehicle--any one of which is illegal, and they were totally justified in impounding my car, and throwing the book at me in court.
In 2007, things were looking up. I had a real job, and had held it for more than a year--I even accepted the promotions, which were usually my signal to flee. I hate to be promoted at a job. It is a death sentence--it means that I really am going to do this job, indefinitely, comfortably accepting my paycheck every two weeks, and putting the hungry, cold, bus riding past behind me. This comfort zone always signaled the end for me: If I was happy here, I would not need to go back to school, get my degree or follow my calling. I could be happy enough right here, right? Wrong. I always quit when I realized there would be more money, more security and more potential for comfort in my future--but I still wouldn't go back to school. But in 2007, I was an Associate Project Manager, and my Boss was full of praise. I was living in an empty little apartment, with my little dog, and my little life, trying to fight off the scurvy that had set in in 2006 without the consultation of anymore doctors--doctors always meant more bills, and prescriptions, but never any sort of game plan. So I was fighting for my little life as best I could, and actually beginning to qualify for health insurance for the first time in 6 years. I could see a future that wasn't so bad.
In September of 2007, a fire started underneath a bureau in my bedroom. I left the house at 7am, to get to work on time, and only my little dog was home. The fire started just after 4pm, and they called me at work to tell me it was out at 6pm. I was home by 6:30pm, but by then everything was black and charred. My little dog was coated in charcoal, and freaking out as you can imagine, but healthy and unharmed. But all of my possessions were ruined. All the art I had dabbled in over the years had finally gone up on my walls--and now up in smoke. My electronics looked fine to me--but the Fire Marshal warned me that I would have to cut the plugs off of them before I threw it all away--if one of these machines was put in another home, and the oily smoke had left residue inside, then the next fire would be my fault. So I hand wiped all of my books, took a lot of dirty laundry to the laundry mat, and slept on a couch for a few months while I figured things out.
The Fire Marshal ruled out arson and electrical fire. The apartment complex said if it wasn't arson or electrical fire, than it had to be something I did, and after their insurance (not mine--I didn't have any) paid off, I would owe them just over $10,000. You wold think mistake number 4 was not getting renter's insurance. You may be right--but I will always think mistake number 4 was not getting a lawyer and a camera while the apartment was still dripping from the fire hoses.
I met my future husband in November.
He began the process of selling his house, when I said I couldn't bear to be trapped in Geist--there are no buses there, and I don't have a license. I was already registered to finally FINALLY go back to school. That was the only financial hardship I can't regret. I have taken out more than $15,000 in school debt, and its worth every penny. I can't wait to geta job in my own field, and start paying it back. Totally worth it, no regrets. But I couldn't have him driving me back and forth from school all the time--it was too expensive, and it made me feel like a prisoner, not able to leave unless he could take me.
I would say that trying to sell his house--even in such a nice part of town--was our first big mistake together, as a family. But, the wedding was in January of 2008, so moving in together wasn't a hard leap for us at all. Sadly, his three children all wanted a place to stay in our new apartment too, so we ended up in a beautiful 1800 sq ft apartment, with stained glass and original crown molding . . . for just under $1200 a month, which is ridiculous. And, of course, our second big mistake as a family. Maybe we should have rented a one bedroom apartment and put up sheet to separate our our corners. We might have been able to afford sheets. . . Instead, we had an apartment the size of a house with rooms for each of us.
The very second his oldest son moved out and got his own apartment, we took in a renter. That renter took in a renter, and then that renter took in a renter, and now we can't even begin to afford the rent on this place without three renters at all times. Of course, anyone who has ever had to rent a room out of their home knows, no renter is ever permanent, unless you want them to move out, so we have unsuccessfully gone through eight renters in the last year and a half, each with more or less their own financial burden, or wasteland of unpreparedness when they leave us.
Brian and I don't see eye-to-eye on his past financial mistakes, so I will biasedly list what I think his are, without going into his story in depth. His financial troubles are so mundane, it's not even a story. In America, you marry, have children, make home repairs, go bankrupt, and get foreclosed on. That's what happens today--that's who we are. When you marriage falls apart, you try to save it, and when you can't, you get divorced, and then you pay child support.
He's paying 65% of his paycheck into child support, because the divorce papers said he made $20,000 more than he does today. She had a lawyer--you know how much I wish I had a lawyer by now? We re-filed, but Brian dragged his feet, and it won't be this year when it comes through.
He owes almost $4,000 in credit card debt, which they can't garnish from his wages, because his wages are already garnished as much as is legal. That did not stop the government, however, who says he owes back taxes, since the divorce and his ex-wife filed all the kids, so they went ahead and started keeping a few hundred out of every paycheck.
Today, he wrote to tell me they had put a hold on his bank accounts, and anything we put in it automatically goes to Taxes. I can't have a bank account. I tried, but it triggered a law suit from Capital One, for just under $4,000 in late fees and interest on that $500 card from all those years ago, and I can't risk anyone else coming out of the woodwork to take money from me I don't have.
I haven't told him yet, but I got the eviction notice yesterday. It says they will tow our car, and pack our things into a truck on December 28th.
When I get my student loan checks, I have made it priority one to pay off any nasty outstanding debt, and then pay off the rent for as far as we can see. In this case, we are moving out in May, to move to Bloomington. I will be graduating with my undergraduate in Sociology from IUPUI in May, and if I get accepted to IU, start my grad program in August. So the plan is to pay off rent through May, minus whatever it takes to file bankruptcy myself.
I brought so much financial trouble to this marriage, and so did he. I brought so many bad habits--but I can honestly say, his are worse.
I'm worried all the time that we aren't going to be able to pull ourselves one fire after another. I should believe--Brian does, with all his heart. He believes the Universe takes care of us. And when I look back at all the terrible, outlandish, bizarre things that have happened in the last decade, I can't help but think, well, yeah, so far, there is no reason I should be so well dressed, well fed, in a beautiful home, with a loving husband, and a pack of tiny dogs. The universe has stepped up over and over again to help me out of crazy binds.
But how long does that last?
We need to make a real budget: one we don't go over, change, or adjust when we get a little ahead. We need to learn from our mistakes, and not repeat them. We need to undo the bad habits of a lifetime of financial irresponsibility, and learn clean, clever, responsible habits.
We don't have hobbies anymore. We don't eat out, or see movies, or even visit friends. Gas is too expensive to travel, and our clothes is going to last us a while longer. Our big expenses are rent--which will change in May, and Child Support--which will change in January. Then we have to cut back on debt, not spending I guess. But the only way to cut back on debt is to cut back on spending, so if we think we are bare bones now, it's going to look pretty lush and fertile compared to what we are going to get down to, if I have anything to say about it.
In the past, things could get really dire. It was always so horrible, when I would realize I had exactly $20 short from rent, no groceries, and no bus pass. I have begged, bartered, mooched and pawned most of my friends to death by now, and I don't see most of them anymore. I gave up hobbies, outings, social exchanges, and home cooked food. But when it got bad, it was just that--bad. Just me, and then me and my little dog. No one else to suffer from my mistakes.
That's why Finances are such a big part of divorce: being very poor doesn't end a marriage. But thinking things couldn't get any worse, and he spends even $1 on a lottery ticket can blow up to astronomical proportions. Secret credit cards, and hidden spending can drive a wedge so far between loved ones that no amount of apologizing can help.
We can look past an affair. It was her, it was him, it as just this once, it was just sex, or true love, and those circumstances will never happen again. But being bad with money--can we really see that changing? Won't we be forced to live paycheck to paycheck for the rest of our lives, without hope of gaining security, if we always have to watch over each others checkbooks, and monitor one another like misbehaving children?
It's too hard to even imagine.
I intend to get our finances back on track, because I don't mind being poor, but I want to stay that way or get better, not worse. I don't like feeling safe and happy one day, desperate and insecure the next. I intend to make sure that we never end up in this place again. Because I intend my marriage to last. I intend to stay married to this man as long as we are supposed to love one another, and not just as long as we can afford to live together.
I deserve that. And he deserves me. And we deserve to be happy. We are just going to have to battle past our own misguided pasts and horrible horrible spending habits to get what we want--our happily ever after.
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01:56 pm
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Holy Gross!
Oh Awesome!
I guess my Igor Smegol found a fun new way to tell me when he's not feeling well!
He just came over to me, nuzzled my hands until I opened my fingers to rub his jaw, and then unloaded all of his partly digested breakfast cereal into my open palm.
What a vast improvement, over previous attempts like vomit on my feet, throw up on my bed, and hide somewhere I can't reach vomit!
Fun!
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09:10 am
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Better Sleep Through Harry Potter
For four nights in a row I had terrible, gut wrenching, wake up crying, all day altering bad dreams the likes of which I haven't had since I was a teenager.
But last night . . . last night i Had good dreams.
Last night was a video montage of all of my favorite Harry Potter fanfiction moments! And almost all of them involved Angst!Harry and Ravenclaw!Draco (or Smart!Draco, or Old!Draco)-- Angst Harry finally Gryffindoring past his fear that he is gay and just propelling himself at Draco, kissing him in public or private or semi-private horor, and being rejected cause that's bad manners. Mostly lines like, "Excuse me Potter, but just because we're both gay doesn't mean I don't have standards!"
I am going to feel better all day, just on principle!
Current Music: Single Ladies
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12:52 am
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I'm Angry About Sex Mis-Education
I am up in arms about the mis-education being fed to today's youth (and frankly, yesterday's as well) about sex and there are a few points I want to make.
I'm Angry About STD Awareness
In the 80's a program went through schools called "Stranger Danger". Stranger Danger was supposed to alert children to the concept of predators, help them become alert, and participate actively in their own protection. Stranger Danger came with coloring books, and activities, so that children at the youngest ages could learn to be aware and what to do if they should find themselves in danger.
The problem with the program, was that thousands of children hit the streets, confident that they could do whatever they wanted, play anywhere they liked, stay out past dark, and generally take the candy, so long as they didn't see a man in a trench coat and fedora lurking creepily behind a tree. The concept that evil can be easily spotted, and identified before any harm could befall them was simply pushed down their throats, and their danger, instead of lessening, became much greater.
How is today's STD training any better? Is showing teenagers a bunch of horrific pictures of ulcers, sores, scabs, and growths meant to protect them? All you ever see in this literature is the worst, most foul results--as a warning that if you have sex, then you will become disfigured in this way. Why are they never images of seemingly healthy, happy genitals? I tell you what, I am more than 30 years old, and maintain hyper vigilance with my own sexual health, and that of my partners, but I am not sure I could tell the difference between a pimple and the first signs of a wart, or a bad smell of eating too much red meat and the bad smell of the first stages of gonorrhea. Not to mention that so many of these viruses may never have visible signs to detect in the first place. SO the very idea is that we can show children frightening pictures that really only makes them believe that if they see a swollen, distended, pus covered genital, don't put THAT ONE in your mouth--well that's just preposterous.
I'm Angry About Abstinence Only
There is no good reason to drive over the speed limit. Speed limits are set using a specific formula based on:
- the number of lanes.
- whether it is a divided or undivided road.
- the presence or absence of shoulders.
- the quality and type of surfacing on the roadway and shoulders.
- the road construction method (e.g., high or low crown, thickness of underbed).
- how often the road is rebuilt or undergoes major repairs.
- the driver visibility (e.g., line of sight for cars entering the road at much lower speeds).
- the superelevation in curves.
- the number of and radius of curves.
- the number of access points.
- the presence of driver distractions (e.g., scenic route).
- the normal range of weather conditions (e.g., snow, ice, fog).
- the expected volume of traffic.
- the accident patterns of drivers on comparable roads.
- the location of the road (e.g., urban in neighborhood with children, limited access without pedestrians or slow vehicles.).
Speeding on a road that is not built for excessive sped can lead to reckless endangerment, accidents and fatalities. It's dangerous to speed, and we all know it, and we teach every set of new drivers not to do it.
And yet, cars are advertised on their speed--0-60 in how many seconds, clocked at speeds of upwards of blah blah blah miles per hour, aerodynamics, etc. Speedometers go past 100 even though there is no state in the US where you can legally drive at 100 miles per hour, even for a small stretch. We place cops in all the major areas to stop people who are speeding--because we know they will. We can't tell people NOT to sped, and then make speeding look good on every television program, every car commercial, and even speed ourselves without them expecting to try it for themselves.
But there ARE good reasons to speed, aren't there? In reality, if you are passing under a yellow light, it's best to accelerate to make sure you pass through the entire intersection safely. If you are avoiding impact with another vehicle, if you are driving an ambulance, or a cop car, if you are licensed and trained to go faster than the other drivers for the purpose of safety or protection--then you can and should speed.
Abstinence only has the same problems. We talk to them about how wrong sex is, how unprepared they are, and how dangerous it can be, but we never talk to them about when we had sex, what our reasons were, whether they were good reasons, and what those good reasons are.
There are, in fact, very BAD reasons to have sex: My friends are doing it, my partner wants to, my partner has waited long enough, I am afraid of losing them, I think it's time to take our relationship to the next level, I'm at that age, no one thinks I am old enough to make my own decisions, my partner has done it before but not with me, etc. But there are GOOD reasons to have sex too: Is this the extension of a solid, loving relationship based on trust and mutual respect that you can foresee extending into the future, with or without sex? Do both of you feel physically, emotionally and spiritually ready to engage in sex? Love and lust are perfectly legitimate reasons to have sex, and not to be ignored. It's far more important to make sure they are prepared for it, than to waste time trying to convince them that they will never be wise enough to know when to have sex.
I'm Angry About The "No Sex Before Marriage"
To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
a time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal ...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.
Today the age for first marriages in the United States is more than 27 for men, and over 25 for women. Most couples in today's culture value specific goals before willing to marry, using marriage as proof that their relationship is strong enough (rather than the spring board to accomplishing those goals that was the reason for marriage of our grandparents generation). Almost all of these goals are financial, or financially motivated: steady income, completed educations, in some cases being able to afford a first home, or get out of debt. On average, how many of you waited until you finished college, paid off your credit cards, and had adequately paying jobs before you allowed yourself to have sex?
And if we lived by these standards, aren't we going to make living in a financially responsible way into a punishment for wanting to have sex? At the very least, we are going to propel our young people back down to the incredibly young, early marriages of our grandparents, only with the extended lifespans of future generations, and with a divorce rate like we have (it's dropped down to 48.5%--success!) we would be looking at even more children of divorce, or possibly more third and fourth marriages than we see today.
It just isn't reasonable to ask anyone to wait until they are in their late 20's or even 30's to begin to lead healthy happy sex lives. It would be far better to teach them self awareness, self preservation, and self fulfillment (specifically, masturbation--because if it's just lust, you'll catch less STDs and pregnancies when you are going it solo.) If your child really does wait patiently for true love and marriage, but that marriage doesn't materialize as the 20s move away, the 30s come and go, and the 40s arrive, you may find yourself worrying whether they will ever know the warmth and love of a partner, or find the satisfaction that is specialized to a sexual relationship. There must be a middle ground, where we teach our children to respect themselves, and know what is right for them--at any age.
I'm Angry We Don't Teach Our Children To Ask The Right Questions
"Mommy, why is the sky blue?"
"Daddy, where do babies come from?"
"Teacher, why do we have to do homework?"
How about, "Partner, when were you last tested?"
Sure, we respect curiosity. We encourage critical thinking. We even hope that the narrowed tunnel vision of youth will expand to think globally. But when it comes to sex, we are such naturally prudish about what we are willing to discuss, how can we possibly convey to our children just what questions they should be able to ask and answer before they know they are ready to have sex--the first time, the next time, or one last time.
Protection: Can you tell your parents you would like to buy contraceptives? What methods are you planning on using? Does it work for your partner? Is it effective against STDs or just a contraceptive? Does it require a prescription? How long does it take to become effective? How long is it effective for? Should it be reapplied before having sex again? Does it have any adverse effects? Can those adverse effects affect sex? How and why would it fail? Are there back ups? How do all of those same questions apply to the back up plan?
If the Protection fails: Can you discuss this with your parents? Would you recognize (for example) a genital wart for what it was, on yourself or on your partner? Have you been tested since the last time you had sex? Has your partner? Would you be willing to get tested before having sex now? Would you be honest about your test results? If you were not tested since your last partner, but have had sex before with a new partner since, how would you know which partner infected you, if your tests came back with a bad answer? Do you have the correct name and phone number for every partner you have had since you were last tested, so you can contact them if something unpleasant does come from those test results? Are you willing to contact those previous partners and be honest with them about the results? In the future, will you be prepared to contact me, if new tests say something different, so I can get tested? If the test result is "You are pregnant" what would you do about this pregnancy, with this specific partner? Would you keep the baby, have an abortion, or give birth, but give it up for adoption? How would an abortion effect your mental and physical self before, during and after the procedure? Who would pay for it? Who could you confide in? Would your partner go with you? If you decide to give birth to the child, will you want to be married first? Is this a partner you would want to marry? To raise a child with? If you give birth, will your health insurance cover it? Will your living arrangements/ schooling/ job be effected/lost? Will your partner be there for the childbirth? How would you care for the child? How would you decide how adoption proceedings would be performed?
Emotionally: Can you be open to the possibility that you may change your mind at any time? If one of you does change your mind, before during or even after you have had sex, would you still feel emotionally bonded to one another? How will you react if your partner changes their mind, before, during or after the act? If you have engaged in any sexual activity before, have you ever regretted it, and can you avoid feeling regret now? Can you live with the fact that your parents, your peers, and your peers parents will know that you are engaged in sexual activity? Are you sure that nothing about your decision to have sex is an act of revenge, rebellion, spite or experimentation? Are you confident about your partners motivations?
Can you have an open, honest, frank conversation with your doctor, your parents and your partner about your sexual health and well being before you have sex, after you have had sex, and about sex you would like to have in the future?
If we cannot say the words like mature adults, how can we expect our children to face a partner (or us) with them?
Penis
Vagina
Penetration
Anal
Oral
Contraception
Sex
Lessons about sex need to be about more than just fear, and obligations to the community. It needs to be about open honest communication with ourselves, and the people effected directly by our decisions.
If we can't talk teach our children how to have healthy, fulfilling sex when and if the time is right, then how do we know WE should be having sex either? At what stage did we decide that WE already know the answers to all these questions because we "just do" but that the next generation (and if we aren't careful with them, the one they will surely give birth to completely unprepared) will never be old enough to figure it out for themselves?
They have a right to lead their own lives. But we have an obligation to make sure they lead them with self respect, health, and happiness.
It's time to stop being afraid of what we will encourage them to do, and start encouraging them to do what is right for themselves. If we only teach that sex is a mysterious, but somehow abhorrent anomaly that no one should want to have, when they have some anyway, and figure out we were lying--that it's good, and fun, and with the right partner an experience to last a lifetime--then we will lose their trust completely, and all the lessons we tried to interject will be thrown out sight unseen.
Our generation, like the generation before ours, and the one before that, has made some mistakes about sex. And we worry or children will make the same ones--or worse. If we can't tell them why it was a mistake, or even that we made them, then we can't possibly expect them to learn from them. And we will only have ourselves to blame.
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08:53 am
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10 Minutes of Unadulterated Food Porn
I was at Whryne's house this weekend and celebrated Breshawn (Yay Breshawn! 40 looks DAMNED good on you!) and played Bingo (Yay Bingo! I was 2 spaces away from the $1000 jackpot which was how much we will need if we aren't going to be homeless, and car-less, and therefore jobless in just two easy months! Sad Otter.) and went bowling (Wow! I don't remember bowling being exercise! I remember fun! Yay fun!)
But there was a story I wanted to tell in more depth, cause Day-um.
We woke up early to the squaks and babling of tiny angry people, and somehow this made us late. We wanted to be at Bingo at 3pm, it took ten minutes to get there, nd though I was dressed by 2:30, I still wanted a cigarette.
SO I get up and Whryne (one of my closest friends, and Chocolatier A-go-go) says to me, I thought you wanted to make candy today! I want to practise teaching how to use the Chocolate Tempering Unit." I got pouty, because I really DID want to make chocolate, but I also REALLY wanted to go play Bingo, and I already had the cigarette in my hand to go smoke. So I waffled, and she said, "Let me just show you how." SO I agreed, and this is how it went, EXACTLY:
See the machine? Turn it on. See the chocolate? Put it in. See that button? When it flashes, and it beeps, put one more chocolate in. Now go.
So I went! I went outside to smoke, and confided my disappointment that I would not be able to make candy, nor would Whryne get the practise teaching she needed, but her lovely Stephanie was consoling, and reassured me that Whryne would be ok.
I smoke two cigarettes.
Whryne came out to say, "It's already ready already, dont' you want to make candy?"
Time check: 2:45pm.
I walk inside, and she hands me a ladle. The chocolate int he tempering unit is smooth melted and NOT HOT which is so WEIRD! But it's POURABLE! And she's laid out FIVE sets of candy making motifs, and says, "What do you want to do?"
I opted for bark, thinking this would be the fastest way to get the most chocolate, so she drops this awesome flavorles-until-melted disk of raspberry heaven into my chocolate, and I made a SHEET of chocolate bark. She says, "Next!" and shows me how to make a TRAY of chocolates that come out with awesome edible wallpaper decorations that make them look like professional store bought chocolates and since all of this took 5 MINUTES then she busted out ANOTHER mold, this one I could put big fat salted pretzel sticks in and made canes of chocolate covered pretzels--that look like a fat chain of DAISIES! I am so awesome! and THEN she says, "Didn't you want to make chocolate covered sandwich cookies? And I have these molds for making cups and-- and--and--and"
By now I was so not listening. We had done a full afternoons candy making in less than 8 minutes, and I wasn't even sure how I was going to bring all this home! I mean, candy making is a DAY EVENT! You dig out all the supplies and you do one thing very very well, and then if you aren't to exhausted after clean up, you decide it MIGHT be ok to make one more kind.
I already HAD three kinds, and there was still time and supplies. So instead, she used the extra two minutes to stuff the bowl and ladel into the dishwasher, wiped the machine down with a paper towel and we were ON TIME. It was amazing.
Needless to say, she sent me home loaded down with chocolate. She gave me some extra chocolate dipped spoons for coffee drinking with (they are Hazelnut flavored and made my purse smell good. I want to know if I could eat cereal with them instead.)
So of course, now I want to get Jessie a Chocolate Tempering Unit. They cost like, $200, but if Jessie Hosts a Dove Chocolate Party, then she gets half off the costs of her purchases, and free gifts based on what her friends buy. So I figure, we invite the PTO ladies to bring their kids, and Whryne shows them JUST chocolate crafting fun, and the ladies will all want tempering units to, and then Jessie and I can split the cost, and she can pay me off in chocolates.
Really, I think that's just best for everyone.
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01:07 pm
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Court: Ok, so here's what happened . . .
I have been nauseated over the thought of court since AUGUST when a man came to my door and genteelly made very clear to me that I would be at court, they would arrest me if I didn't appear, and that I needed to sign here here and here to let them know that I had understood him.
See, I had already HAD this discussion once before.
Let me 'splain. *pause* No, there is too much. Let me sum up.
I was dead and then I wasn't and the company that started is thinks that $500 is now worth $3300 and they sued me, but Legal Aid said don't bother, so I didn't go, and now they are demanding I show up and show them evidence of all my valuable assets so they can decide what to take from me.
I have no valuable assets. I have a 401K that loses $3 a year. I have no job, bank account, vehicle, home or joint anything to anyone who does. I take out student loans, but if they think for even one second that I will take out interest bearing loans just to pay off their sorry asses, then they can go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut. Take a flying fuck at the moo-oo-n.
I was also supposed to be able to provide copies of bills I am responsible for, but other than the $50 notice that I still owe Wishard for not letting them pull my teeth out, I didn't even have any of those.
I am, in fact, totally under the radar now.
This, however, is not good news. I know we don't have work farms and paupers prisons, but this doesn't mean they couldn't find some horrible way to squeeze blood from a stone, and I just don't have the $1000 it will take for me to file bankruptcy yet.
Here comes the really worse news:
I was worried sick since August. Every month, then week, then day as we grew closer and closer to my court date, I got more and more nervous. I collected what paperwork I could (the W-2 and taxes, the statement about the one month I did have a bank account, and how they cost me more in fees than I actually got to remove at the end of that month, etc.) This week, I woke up every morning literally sick--headaches, nausea, crying jags.
It's on my calendar for tomorrow.
Today, Brian and I got everything together, agreed not to dye our hair pretty colors until after court, and then got out the paperwork to mapquest the location, and approximate time of court.
1:30pm. October 13th.
October WHAT?
October 13th. Yep. I have been saying October 30th since the day I got my summons.
I. Totally. Freaked. Out.
I called the court, and they put me in contact with the sheriff's office, and they made me nervous as hell for whole minutes at a time whil eI became convinced that they were using Magical GPS systems and satellites to track my location and send someone to pick me up right now. Meanwhile, I googled "contempt of court" and "punishment for debts" and worried about having a warrant for my arrest.
Erica: Yes, I was preparing for court on the 30th, but now I realize my paperwork says the 13th--
Robotic Female Assistant of Doom: Your court date was on the 13th, yes.
Erica: Exactly, so I am not sure what I am supposed to do now. Am I in contempt of court? Are they going to arrest me? Am I on the lam?
Unfazed Robotic Female Assistant of Doom: Nothing has been done yet ma'am.
Erica: Should I turn myself in? Should I wait for someone to come for me? Do you know anyone who can sell me a fake identity?
Seriously Unfazed Robotic Female Assistant of Doom and Simplicity: You should wait.
Erica: Seriously? Wait. You can't even give me a hint? Will they have weapons at the ready, or will I be allowed to surrender peacefully? Is it still a hostage situation if I am alone in my home with just my dogs? Mr. Roland is NOT a weapon! Igor Smeagol has diplomatic immunity, but he needs a safe house without cats--
Seriously Unfazed Robotic Female Assistant of Doom and Simplicity Who Can patiently Out Wait Me: If they intend to follow up ma'am, they will send you more paperwork to fill out.
Erica: Paperwork? Just wait, and see if they send me paperwork? That's it?
Female Assistant With My Life In Her Hands: Yes ma'am. Goodbye.
*click*
And just like that . . . . freedom.
It's been more than 2 weeks already. If they were going to assault me with paperwork, I think they'll want to do it before the holiday hits.
Brian thinks that the letter attached, stating that they will be contacting my financial institutions and alerting them to the fact that all my valuables and funds will soon be frozen for evil corporate consumption means taht they looked everywhere for anyone who might have $5 for me, and when they couldn't find one, didn't show up to court either.
Nothing has been done.
I could cheer.
*is totally relieved*
Current Location: United States, Indiana, Indianapolis
Current Mood:  relieved
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10:58 pm
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The Universe is my needy love-lorn over-enthusiastic Stalker
I have been worried all month . . .
I was worried when I got the first notice that I was being sued. I went to Legal Aid and they gave me this advice:
Do you have a job? No.
Do you have any property? Stocks, bonds? Savings? No.
Do you own anything at all? No.
Well, then let them sue you. You don't have to go or anything. They will win, and you can't stop them, and what are they going to do about it? Someday, when you have a job they may garnish your wages . . .
I may be in school for another ten years--
Well, then you will have ten years to worry about it.
And I will probably have to go bankrupt before then . . .
Here's a place to file bankruptcy, don't bother going to court.
But then a few weeks later, I had a person with a summons at my door. It seems that the credit card company believes I am hiding assets--because NO ONE could live on as little as I am claiming to have! Ha!
So I have to go.
To my name, I had $300 in a checking account, and my name was also on the title for the minivan.
So Chase took more than half of the money in my account with "fees" and I had to close it and slink away. And the minivan already had a lein on it because Brian owes back taxes so I was only a little worried they would hold THAT against me--
But worry not. I have a faithful stalker who can't let a "probably fine" haunt me.
Today, poor Brian was hit from behind as he left work. He's shaken, but unhurt. He's a good driver, and he helped keep the trauma to a minimum.
We think the other guy has insurance, and Brian has uninsured insurance if he doesn't. It's only worth about $1200 according to Kelly Blue Book. The damage is so close to the gas tank, I'm afraid to let him drive it without getting it checked. But any damage is probably more expensive than either insurance company is willing to pay out on, so it'll probably be totaled.
So, no more assets . . .
Lucky me . ..
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01:50 pm
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PSA: Idea for a commercial
A woman runs into an elegant restaurant and shouts, "Please someone help! Are there any volunteers in the house?" She looks around frantically.
A woman at a table with her husband grabs her purse and stands up.
Her husband starts to protest but she says, "Honey, they need my help!"
For a second, he looks disappointed, then you watch the determination resolve on his face. He says, "You're right honey. Go. I'm right behind you."
She runs out of the building and meets up with the woman who ran into the restaurant, who grabs her arm and brings her to the street, where an enormous crowd of people of really vast stereotypical needs--moms with babies, sick and old, people in traditionally foreign garb, people with animals, and people carrying signs -- like a Verizon commercial for people in need.
The first woman says, "Please--these people need your help!"
Behind her, the husband comes out, and then everyone from the restaurant pours out, and each one of them is lead, or leads themselves to be paired off with a person in need. The camera pans back to show men and women all down the street running into restaurants and businesses, houses and even to people on the street and saying, "Help! We need volunteers! Can you help us?"
And as the camera pans further back, the back ground noise of people talking gets louder, and the problem crowd disperses and gets smaller.
Then the tag lines come up on the screen one by one, over the picture of the planet:
Can you hear them calling?
They need your help.
Are you a volunteer?
I wish I actually knew someone in Volunteers of America or someplace like that, that connects volunteers with people who need them so I could offer it free of charge. i think it's pretty good . . .
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09:20 pm
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The Universe Does My Bidding. . .
And like eBay, I overbid, underestimated the additional costs, and ended up with something I didn't ask for.
I have been complaining and complaining and complaining about my Family and Society teacher, Professor Gardner-Wesley since the first day of class--
She let us out early the first day, missed the second and third classes, immediately put us into debates that were supposed to last two days, but gave us one class we didn't have to attend to plan them, then they took six days to complete, and I am pretty sure gave us all A+. We had one whole day of watching COMPLETELY unrelated episodes of 20/20 (hermaphrodites defined by women with enlarged clitorises/Muslim women stoned to death for sex outside of marriage/elderly gays in old folks homes). Then we had one and a half lectures before the Midterm, which she neither wrote based on class, nor on lecture, nor on the readings, and ultimately didn't spell check either. The Midterm itself was another day out of class, and then she didn't come to the next two.
So I have been feeling like, you know, Hey, I PAY for these classes, you know? If she's not going to bother coming, and when she's here she's not going to bother teaching and when she DOES teach, I think she's ignorant, ill informed and a poor teacher. I was getting really angry! And my sister Jessie gave me some good advice--Complain after I get my easy A.
So I set in for the long haul. Six more weeks of school, and then Easy-A-a-go-go.
Today I got this email in my school email box:
To: All Participants
Class: I understand that you were upset when the TA announed to you that class again would not be held. I had hoped that for all of your dedication, a substitute would be in order. Last week was my grandbaby's funeral and I am mourning the loss of my granddaughter and simply am not effective. I have requested that you have another Instructor to complete the remainder of the semester. You will know as soon as I do. I will be in touch or in class on Thursday. Please understand my position as I certainly do understand each of yours and I am sorry for the inconsistenies at this time. Rest assured you are not forgotten by myself and Dr Aponte, Chair.
Professor Gardner-Wesley
I feel like such a heel.
I feel like I called down a good reason why she wouldn't be my teacher anymore.
She's a very nice person . . . just a very bad teacher. ten weeks in, six weeks to go, and we haven't done anything yet. But she didn't deserve anything like that.
It makes me feel sick inside.
Current Mood:  melancholy
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09:14 pm
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Pitch Pitch Pass.
I was very excited to be able to present my movie "I Hate That Guy" (as originally presented here!) to a professional in the industry as part of my Screenwriting class.
Title: I Hate That Guy
Tagline: There's One In Every Group
Logline: After 10 years separation, three underachievers reunite with the one successful classmate that they blame for their own failure. Now they have a new goal: Destroy Harvey Delaney.
His suggestions: What if Harvey was really a CIA agent, undercover pretending to be Harvey, and he has to recruit them to help unveil an evil scheme?
Uh . . . that's a great idea . . . for a whole different movie that doesn't actually have anything to do with the screwball comedy I had planned . . .
Current Mood: disappointed
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01:33 pm
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For UNOMESOWELL
I am posting this for my sister, who was put up some posts so endearing that I wanted to respond, and could think of nothing more clever than "Yay!"
So instead, I am continuing this meme, in her honor.
Gakked from The Great unomesowell...
01) Are you currently in a serious relationship? We had a wedding in January, so yep.
02) What was your dream growing up? I wanted to be a writer. I still want to be a writer when I grow up.
03) What talent do you wish you had? I wish I could run really fast.
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be? I would like you to buy me something really tall and cold looking. I think free food tastes better, and I am always thirsty.
05) Favorite vegetable? Tomatoes. I recently made guacamole that was 1 part avocado, 2 parts tomatoes.
06) What was the last book you read? I am re-reading John Saul’s Shadows, and JK Rowling’s Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire.
07) What zodiac sign are you? Capricorn, but I read Aquarius. I’m a cusp.
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Not until the perfect the licked-on-by-kittens technology. 09) Worst Habit? Eating for pleasure, pain, boredom, entertainment, reward and punishment.
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride? I don’t drive, and I am rarely in a car. However, if I was in a car, and I was driving and I saw you on the street, I would definitely pull over and talk to you and see if you looked like you wanted me to offer you a ride. 11) What is your favourite sport? I would like to think I would be better at team sorts now that I am brave. But I haven’t’ had to put this to the test yet. 12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude? I want the great god Murphy and all his laws to believe I am a pessimist. But I am secretly a closet optimist. 13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? Make fun of you for being afraid of being stuck in an elevator. 14) Worst thing to ever happen to you? Not really something we talk about on funny memes, don’t you agree?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you. My little dog’s full name is Mr. Dog Roland. His first name is Mr. 16) Do you have any pets? Two little dogs and one husband. 17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly? You would probably start baking…
18) What was your first impression of me? I met Jessie while we were still forming on a cellular level, and I can’t really remember what I had for breakfast, so I’m gonna pass on the walk down memory lane . . . 19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary? Does ANYONE think clowns are cute?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? I would lose some weight. Not like, down to skinny, but maybe down to hot-fat. 21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? I would so help you hide the body, and find us a better alibi. 22) What color eyes do you have? Same as mine. J 23) Ever been arrested? HA! Wouldn’t you like to know!
24) Bottle or can soda fizzy drink? Bottle for sure. I love to have a big drink, but I never finish them before they go flat.
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? I owe like, $16,000 before I even start on the little debts . . .
26) What’s your favourite place to hang out at? The basement of Cavanaugh Hall, IUPUI campus, Indianapolis. I’m there now.
27) Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Because Jessie does.
28) Favourite thing to do in your spare time? Play Bejeweled on Facebook. GODS how I wish this wasn’t true.
29) Do you swear a lot? I used to be a lot worse, but things have calmed down a lot.
30) Biggest pet peeve? Any eating sounds at all. I wish we all had to wear head masks while we so much as popped gum into our mouths.
31) In one word, how would you describe yourself? Ready
32) Do you believe/appreciate romance? Absolutely. I live to generate.
33) Favourite and least favourite food? I favorite a good raw steak, I least favorite turkey lunch meat.
34) Do you believe in God? Not any of them.
35) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? I did, but just for you, and no one else will care.
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11:07 am
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Recipe For A Tummy Ache: Why Didn't I Stop?
5 ripe avacados
2 1/2 lbs roma tomatoes
1 large yellow onion
salt and pepper
garlic powder
1 small bag white corn tortilla chips
Makes 2 servings. . . .
Wait, makes how many servings? Should anything you share with just ONE other person REALLY ever use the word "pounds"?
It was SO good.
I will gladly write ff the night of indigestion and tummy ache, remembering only how fun it was to gorge with Brian.
And that I lost five pounds somewhere between 5 in the evening, and Midnight.
So try talking me out of THAT . . .
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03:35 pm
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I <3 Chocolate with a deep and firey passion.
I almost regret writing this post, as no one will be able to take me seriously. I am to close to the parties involved, to close to the subject matter, and therefore beyond biased.
I freely admit that had the party been ho hum, I would still be writing a lovely cheerful review today--so it's no wonder you won't see the full impact of how my cup of joy over-flow-eth and makes a nasty stain on the carpet that will forever leave me with a little flutter of happiness that no one else will ever understand.
My dear friend Whryne has decided to become a Chocolatier for Dove Chocolates. Whryne doesn't do anything "just a little" and she took her new passion and ran with it. She started her little "company" just this month, and has already thrown three parties in three days, with two more already scheduled.
After the party at my house, every single person signed up to have a party of their own. I kid you not.
I should start with a little about how I feel about Home Parties and direct sales: I think they are stupid. I can't help it! I mean, I never ever understood why anyone would spend $70 for a basket that would advertise both the NFL and promote breast cancer awareness. I don't even need a single tiny basket, or a single NFL promotion in my house, but $70? That's preposterous. I feel the same about $40 cooking rocks. It's just not for me. They do, of course, have lingerie and sex toy parties, and I will attend these--but as a plus sized woman with a head on her shoulders, I am neither appropriately sized, nor inappropriately unaware of what else is on the market, so once again, I never buy from these parties.
In a recession, with no money, no prospects, and a long wait ahead of us, who can afford to pay extra for luxury items, am I right?
But then, they got me.
Chocolate.
I can't talk myself into a doctors appointment unless they PROMISE I will see a real doctor and he will have time to discuss real issues. I can't convince myself we need to replace our knives that have chips in them, if they still manage to slice (even if the bread gets squashed) because SOMEDAY things will be better, and SOMEDAY we can afford to replace them with NICE things.
But the longer I wait for SOMEDAY the more I want reassurance that TODAY isn't that bad.
So then, there is chocolate.
No matter how bad the financial crisis of the planet becomes, chocolate sales--especially PREMIUM chocolate sales--continue to soar. We want to feel spoiled just a little bit, and we want it to be personal.
Chocolate is like a back massage for the soul.
So when Whryne announces she is going to sell chocolate, and she is going to do it in house parties, I signed up.
And no regrets, it is HANDS DOWN the finest party I have ever thrown outside of my own wedding.
She has all the toys. And better still, you don't NEED all the toys. She talked and talked, chatting and telling us fascinating storoes about the history of Chocolate and Dove itself, while off handedly creating wonderful treats to pass around: mousses and coffees and chocolate dipped fruits and cookies and salty treats--it went on forever, and I was literally too full of chocolate by the end to actually take a single bite more. (And THAT after I skipped dinner before this party.)
Right in front of us-- laughing and answering questions the whole time, as if she and Julia Child and Betty Crocker all have the skill of multitasking while they create-- she whipped up this beautiful trifle of dark chocolate mousse, white chocolate cream, fudge brownies and fresh strawberries. I can't WAIT to get the pictures! And the best part? As party hostess, that trifle was just for me, and no one else. Everyone got a spoonful of mouse and cream, but I ate that whole trifle right in front of them, totally shameless. (I sneaky fed bites to Brian every time she looked away, but his little happy dance was probably a dead giveaway.)
It was literally some of the best deserts I have ever had. I was prepared for it to taste good--I mean, Chocolate is chocolate, it tastes GOOD. But this was like . . it's so smooth, and creamy. She was explaining the difference between "Chocolate" made with cocoa butter and "Chocolate Candy" which is made with vegetable oil. I looked it up--Hershey's is always vegetable oil, and that's why it separates when it melts. This stuff . . . this stuff was the difference between the guys I dated and thought I loved, and the guy I dated and knew I would have to marry by the third date. It was just . ..obvious. This is the way it was supposed to be all along.
Needless to say, I bought a ton of stuff. ANd my guests all bought a ton of stuff. And by the end, we had all bought so much taht the company is going to send me a free half pound of just chocolate, and that's quite alright with me too.
I have big plans: I intend to whip up some of those trifles that she made right in front of me like it was easy as anything.
If I get pretty disposable glasses from the dollar store, and buy fresh fruit (I dont' care if it's bananas, anything would taste good this way) then I am going to carefully read the nutrition information, and layer JUST enough mouse and cream and fruit that my little single servings have less than 216 calories (or the calories in two toll house cookies.) Then I am going to make a tray of them and bring them to the holiday party on my Dad's side of the family. My Grandpa has diabetes, but LOVES sweets, so if I stack the deck with fruit, but flourish with outstanding mousse and decadent white chocolate cream, then he will choose mine as the one dessert he's allowed per day. It might be a handful of dessert, but I would choose it over some of my more famous family staples any day--it was just THAT good.
I can't WAIT to talk to my sister--I just KNOW she is going to want to do this at her house too. It was more fun with chocolate than I have ever had. (And let me tell you, I have done some pretty daring things with chocolate, even by my own standards.)
As soon as I get pictures, I will post them, because it was just one heck of a great party.
I'm so proud of Whryne--this is going to be a lot of fun for her, and uber profitable--
I had thought "Who would buy chocolate door to door?" But now I think "Who would buy that gross Walgreen's chocolate if they knew this was out there?"
I'm so glad we did it at our house before any of my other friends got the chance--and I am thrilled about all the people who came. Better yet, I KNOW they will invite me to theirs, so there will be more chocolate in my future.
I'm not shy about buying chocolate when I think I deserve it. But this was a revelation. Now, I won't be shy about taking credit for serving chocolate as if I invented the stuff, because NO ONE will have had anything as good as what I will have to offer, and that's just the truth. The truth just is.
Current Mood:  giddy
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04:35 pm
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Smeagol!
I completely believe I saw Smeagol's Mommy on the way home from school today.
She was no taller than Mr. Roland, but all white, with one black eye, and one black ear, just like Smeagol's.
But she LOOKED like Smeagol. Smaller, thinner, but she was even wheexing just like him! It was dead on for a little girl version of Smeagol! Suck out all the Rat terrier, and there she was in the flesh!
I was so charmed. She was in a car, and I was on the bus, but if we could only have met, and talked!
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10:38 am
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King's Island Or Bust
We went to King's Island yesterday, with Brian's kids, because RCI generously rented out the park for a company picnic.
I got a lot of sun, and a lot of excercise, to everyone had a great time, to ( to tell you the truth. . . )
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10:14 am
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Review: Chegg.com 1st time experience * * * * *
I am an undergraduate in my Senior year at IUPUI, in Indianapolis, IN. Our college bookstore is actually a Brnes and Noble, and the mark up on even used books is overwhelming.
My first thought was to find my textbooks as e-books. E-books have never been so useful as when applied to the textbook field: When taking notes, I can actually cut and paste whole paragraphs, or simple phrases, or lists of names and dates, right out of the text, and compile huge, easy to use notes for class. When I need to look something up, I can actually just use the Find feature available with any text, and I can highlight right on the manual, without it effecting my "sell back" value at all--because the book is so often FREE.
While I still HIGHLY recommend that option, unless you are in some pretty interesting fields of study, you will find that most actual textbooks are not yet e-book compatible, and the ones that are aren't free yet. (although actual kindle users might find themselves much better equipped than I was.)
So I needed something that would give me a healthy savings, but be available where e-books were not.
I started searching, and found the wide world of rented school books. Better than Amazon, or eBay for discounts, I assure you. Book rental companies can tell you what editions they have, and probably have more than one, so you won't have to just settle for what they have that's close.
My favorite, the one I chose to use, and what has by far given me more bang for my buck than I ever expected, has to be Chegg.com.
Chegg.com had all but one of my school books. (And the one they didn't ahve was an IUPUI exclusive, published just for them, and it turns out, never available for resale anyway.) I simultaneously gave the Barnes and Noble Website, and the the Chegg.com website my orders, and the shopping cart results were OUTSTANDING.
According to Barnes and Noble.com, the price of one screenwriting manual, two Sociology texts on the family, one erudite manual on the history of television, a job searching guide, and a oxford guide to research, IF they had all of my texts used, and BEFORE I paid for available shipping, was going to run $638.92. If they had to take a new book, the price would mark up dramatically, and if they had sold out and had to send away for another copy, I was going to be charged a "nominal" administrative fee, and expect a two week delay.
According to Chegg.com, I would pay $213.14, that would include shipping to me within five days which I paid an extra $5 to have done as school was coming up really soon), and free return shipping at the end of the semester. They would send me the newest manuals they had, and if I found it was "too used" I could return it within 30 days for a free exchange -- or if I don't need it after all, the buy back is for 100% in the first 30 days. When they discovered they didn't have in stock two of the books I needed, they bought-- brand new, and free of additional fees--those two books off of Amazon--automatically, and had them shipped directly on the same day, and with the same 5 day guarantee that I had on the ones sent from the Chegg warehouse.
On top of that, they offered to plant a tree for each book I "recycled" by being willing to rent instead of purchase new. And, as a new customer, I could have one of those trees planted in a friend's name, and tell them I had done so. (Happy tree Jessie!)
I keep the box to send them back in, and they send me a reminder at the end of the semester on where to get my UPS label printed, so the shipping won't cost me anything additional. There are additional prices if I would like to keep the books for another semester, or forever, and if I bu any books that ARE NOT Cheggs, they will gladly make a bid on buying them from me.
I did end up buying that one IUPUI exclusive from Barnes and Noble. It's a 300 page Spanish for beginners manual, shrink wrapped to an English-to-Spanish dictionary. It cost $130, because they don't sell them used. And it includes a handy little sticker int he front right corner that reads "Unavailable for buy back if shrink wrap is opened". I spent almost half of what I spent on six books with Chegg.com, to buy one book from B&N that I can't sel back.
Now granted, there is no "buy back" with Chegg, unless I buy the manuals and then sell them back.
But last semester, I spent about $600 on books for school. And I sold them back at the end of the semester. I got $140, and had to recycle two books which had been discontinued. That means I still spent twice as much on books. I would way rather spend 50% less, then get my pitance at the end of the semester (even if I do pretend that is "free money".)
All in all, I am LOVING Chegg.com.
I HAD written to complain to them. I wrote an email to customer service, because they had guaranteed me shipping in the five day window, and though I had gotten my first four books in the first three days (all in one box) I hadn't gotten the second two books. The website said they had been shipped, and that they had arrived. UPS had left a note on my door, and the apartment complex had the box int he ofice when I got home, so that accounted for the first four, but where were the last two?
Chegg respneded immediately with a form letter, and I admit, I got nervous. But withn two hours, I got a letter from a customer service rep, saying they had delivered the package, and copying me on the list of everywhere the package had been, and signed for, from Amazon (because it turns out they were brand new books, Chegg no longer had in stock, and they didn't worry me with details like which warehouse they were shipping from or thoughts that it might be late) through Louisville, KY, my local post office, and then finally the lobby of my apartment complex. They said that if I still didn't have the package it was a UPS problem, and I could call UPS, or call Chegg, and they would get me in a three way call with UPS to report the package stolen.
I marched right downstairs and cofronted the (idiot) woman in my apartment complex, who assured me that Yes, there was a package with my name on it, and Yes, it had been delivered THE SAME DAY as the other one from UPS, but that it had come from a different handler, so no one thought to put a note on my door I guess. Sh had even wondered why I let my package stay there for more than a week. Sheesh.
So even when I THOUGHT there would be a crisis, Chegg handled it with aplomb, was in no way responsible, and handled my fears with care and concern.
I am really looking forward to using them in my last semester, as all I have left are non-program related classes, and there is little chance I would want to keep my books. However, since these books are availabel for purchase at such a phenomenally lower price than what I would pay at school, I could certainly change my mind without too much hardship.
It was a truly excellent find, and I highly recommend them to anyone who is looking to save some money (or at least save the planet--renting books means no more demand for new prints, and tehy even plant a tree for each book!) They were accurate, speedy, and my books are in magnificent condition--only one of them "looks" used, and even that only has margin notes.
It was a risk, moving outside the prescribed path of my school, and it paid off magnificently. I have told all of my classmates about my experience, and I will continue to tout the glory of buying books AND groceries with my student loan check. Could it get any better than that?
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